Experiment 002: What Do We Mean by Novelty? Sexy Scrambled Eggs and the Renewable Source of Desire

Summary

We hear it all the time: the beginning of a relationship is exciting because everything is new. Then the honeymoon period ends, novelty disappears, and desire inevitably follows.

But does novelty really disappear? Or have we just defined it too narrowly?

In this episode of The Desire Lab, Caroline and Andrea question the assumption that novelty requires a new partner. They explore the intensity of early romantic love, why we may remember those exhilarating beginnings while erasing all the anxiety that came with them, and what becomes possible when novelty is layered onto the safety, intimacy and knowledge cultivated over time.

Along the way: masturbation, dopamine bombs, rom-coms, fantasies, non-monogamy, sexy librarians, sad role-plays, erections, and the possibility that keeping desire alive might have less to do with what you do and more to do with how you experience your life. One sexy plate of scrambled eggs at a time.

Intro/Outro music: “Philadelphia Bounce,” Ghost Beatz

Questions to Take Home

When I say I want more “novelty”, what am I actually wanting to feel or experience?

What parts of myself do I want more freedom to explore or embody: in sex, in my relationship, or in my life?

How might we create something new together without assuming that “new” has to mean a new person or new technique?

Research & Resources

Novelty, Self-Expansion & Long-Term Desire

Muise, A., Harasymchuk, C., Day, L. C., Bacev-Giles, C., Gere, J., & Impett, E. A. (2019). “Broadening Your Horizons: Self-Expanding Activities Promote Desire and Satisfaction in Established Romantic Relationships.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 116(2), 237–258.Across three studies, engaging in self-expanding activities with a partner was associated with greater sexual desire, sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction.

Mark, K. P., & Lasslo, J. A. (2018). “Maintaining Sexual Desire in Long-Term Relationships: A Systematic Review and Conceptual Model.”The Journal of Sex Research, 55(4–5), 563–581.This systematic review examines the many individual, interpersonal and societal factors associated with maintaining sexual desire in long-term relationships.

The High of Early Romantic Love

Aron, A., Fisher, H., Mashek, D. J., Strong, G., Li, H., & Brown, L. L. (2005). “Reward, Motivation, and Emotion Systems Associated With Early-Stage Intense Romantic Love.”Journal of Neurophysiology, 94(1), 327–337.Brain-imaging research found that early-stage romantic love engages dopamine-rich reward and motivation systems, helping contextualise the intense “high” of a new relationship.

Monogamy, Sex & Human Pair Bonding

Garcia, J. R. (2026). The Intimate Animal: The Science of Love, Fidelity and Connection.Kinsey Institute Executive Director Justin Garcia explores the evolutionary science of intimacy, including the distinction between human tendencies towards social monogamy and sexual monogamy.

Eroticism, Novelty & Aliveness

Perel, E. (2006). Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence.Perel explores the tension between security and erotic desire in long-term relationships and how couples can cultivate aliveness within familiarity.

Perel, E., & Miller, M. A. (2024). “Novelty Is a Powerful Aphrodisiac. Here’s How to Have More.”Perel reframes novelty as curiosity, mystery, new stories and new ways of experiencing a familiar partner, not simply new sexual techniques or new people.